It’s always been hard for me to be alone with myself. Somehow I don’t feel valued when I’m alone and my mind drives me nuts, which makes things even worse. I’ve struggled with OCD for many years and it’s made it super hard to be happy while being by myself.
So, one of my new goals is to be content with who I am and finding ways to be independent apart from others. This includes nurturing a closer relationship with Jesus Christ and developing hobbies and interests. I need to become a whole and happy person. But, I gotta tell you, it’s so hard for me to do that.
I’m going through a rough time right now but am working on myself: knowing what my consistent faults are, learning how my mind works, and working on controlling my thoughts and actions. I’ve been in a rut of selfishness, complaining, discontentment and spitefulness, and, if I’m honest with myself, I haven’t been happy lately.
I’m writing this post from within a Starbucks. Alone. Me, myself and I. It’s difficult to feel significant right now. But I need to remember that I am a child of God and that’s where my significance should be found. Not in people or any other created thing.
I’m in the middle of reading What Did You Expect? by Paul Tripp. And although it was written for married couples, so many of the truths are applicable to singles who want to be married as well as those who are in marriage-minded relationships. I highly recommend it as it offers fantastic points of view and things to really ponder.
An important point that hit me hard is that some individuals “worship” the creation instead of the Creator, and that creates crazy expectations that are then placed on the relationship. Relationships need to be grounded in the worship of God. If that is done, then the relationship will be a healthy one.
This is what I’m working on. It’s not that I am not a Christian, but I have placed other people and things before God and it has made me a selfish person. I didn’t really fully realize how bad it had gotten, but I am determined to focus on finding my significance in Jesus. It’s so easy to place other idols in front of Christ.
If you struggle with this, please share your thoughts, goals or victories! I’d love a few kindred spirits with whom I can relate.